Admitting that I was completely wrong is a HUGE deal for me. I am extremely stubborn and very unwilling to admit if I'm wrong. That was a very large part of my break up.
Last week when I was working with my personal trainer he told me (as I was totally struggling through my workout), "We're only as strong as our weakest link." Obviously he was talking in terms of physical strength, but I haven't been able to get this phrase out of my head. I think that this is also true about the personality characteristics of a person. I have a lot going on. I am a great mother, I work very hard in school, I work as many hours as I can, and I did my best at being a "housewife." However, it was more than I could handle. An intense feeling of being overwhelmed along with my severe self esteem issues led to a complete disaster. It seemed as though my constant effort to keep it together ultimately led to me treating the person that I love the most terribly and I felt as though my entire life had imploded.
After crying for weeks on end and envisioning all of the things that I could have done differently, I gave up. I felt as though I'd never be good enough and I decided that I had to give up and let go. I knew it wouldn't be an easy task, and for that reason I decided to go out to the bar with some friends to get myself in a better mood. However, the night ended with me being borderline blackout drunk and drunk texting no other than the person that I had decided to give up on.
When I woke up the next morning, I realized what a mistake I had made. Instead of sending him a sad and pathetic 'I miss you' or 'I want you back' drunk text, I decided to call him out and swear at him. I guess the fact that he even responded was a good sign, but he responded by telling me we couldn't be friends. After pleading with him that I was actually drunk and not just being a blatant a-hole for no reason, we started to have a nice conversation as "friends." How you have a conversation as "friends" with the only person you can see yourself being with for the rest of your life is beyond me. Apparently he didn't know either because it didn't take long before we started talking as more than friends. We talked about what happened, and what we would need to do if we were to ever work. He confessed that he still loves me. We decided to meet up next week to talk about things. While we were talking he called it a date. I just about died. Of course the topic of whether or not breakup sex would be acceptable also came up. We both think it's a great idea. Let's hope our break up sex turns into makeup sex.
To ensure that our (hopefully continuing) relationship doesn't continue down the same path (and to keep my sanity) I knew that I need to change. So, I decided to put together a list of my flaws. I didn't do this to bring myself down or to make myself feel bad. I truly did this as a means to see what I could do differently next time and to make sure that it actually happens. I hope that by looking at my flaws and brainstorming ways to improve myself I can eliminate some of my "weak links" and become an overall stronger person.
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